The Grey Area

Tesco now has 98 varieties of coffee. It's completely true; I was there just yesterday wandering around the aisle, when it hit me how much damn coffee there is in that place. I'm kind of ashamed to admit I went home and looked up how many varieties there were. How are you supposed to choose between Colombian Coffee beans, Illy Espresso Coffee Beans, Decaff, Nescafe or all the other varieties I've forgotten to mention? There was too much choice to wrap my head around. In this crazy world where  Tesco now has 98 varieties of coffee, it seems ridiculous to me that my choice about my sexuality seems so limited.

We've all heard the stereotypes attached to being bisexual; indecisive, confused, wanting your cake and eating it too, gay or lesbian in transition, the list goes on and on. If you identify as bisexual, it's likely that you've encountered these clichés at some point. I know that I certainly have.

Being gay or lesbian sometimes has its difficulties attached to it, but it can be more of a hardship to be bisexual, in a world where you are either this or that, everything is black or white and there is no middle ground or grey area to settle in. When you aren't one way or the other, but sitting on the fence, life can be problematic with issues that homosexuals and heterosexuals simply do not encounter.

Like everyone who has a sexuality, I didn't choose to be bisexual. None of us choose whom we are attracted to, and none of us have any control over our attraction. It baffles me when people tell me that I am simply in a limbo and that I can't choose which gender I am more attracted to, because it has never been a choice for me. Honestly, I like both genders equally. I am certain that I'm not in transition to come out as a lesbian, and that I haven't been experimenting for all these years. For some, it may be true that a transition or phase is occurring, but for most who identify as bisexual and maintain that identity, it is not, and, for me at least, it's boring, annoying and pretty insulting to have these lines of reasoning thrown my way over and over again.

All these clichés and exaggerated myths make being bisexual a very confusing and irritating experience. Do I really need to correct people who ask whether I'm "a bit more lesbian than I am straight?" When I was single, did I need to lay my sexuality on the table if I was flirting with someone, or was it unfair of me to keep quiet? Do I still have to explain to some people that I'm still bisexual, despite the fact I am in a relationship with a man now? It's actually quite annoying and it has gotten to the stage where I feel I should just keep quiet about it.

It feels as if it's just downright difficult and awkward being bisexual. You'd think the opposite; you  have the freedom to choose from  a pool two times larger than heterosexuals and homosexuals can choose from, you can have both gay and straight nights out and you can openly enjoy relationships with partners from both genders. And you can do all this while showing the world how open minded you are in your approach to sexuality. Great stuff!

Of course, I'm being sarcastic. All these cliches and ideas about what bisexuality should be/is, coupled with my own ideas about what my sexuality is about makes it feel like I'm trying to look left and right at the same time. It's expected considering the nature of what bisexuality entails, but it makes it feel as if being bisexual is almost impossible. With no etiquette or rule book on bisexuality, it is difficult to know what it should be about.

It's a grey area of sexuality.  It's not this or that. It's not black or white. It's slap bang in the middle, the area between the black and white of monosexual orientations. So tell me this; how on earth do you begin to fit in when you aren't in one camp or the other?

Bisexual identity is both complex and contradictory. There are few, if any, people who identify as bisexual that I know that fit into the societal description of bisexuality. Still, as is the case with lesbian and gay representation, as more individuals speak openly about attraction to both genders and more bisexual role models appear, the term may become more well-understood. Now, who wants some cake? Any flavour you like.

 

Dear haters...

As I happily watched the debate that my latest blog on love addiction caused from the safety of my boyfriend's house earlier today,  I couldn't help but feel a little pleased. Through the dedication of my loved ones, my blog has nearly reach 1100 views which makes me happier than a dog released in a meat factory. I'm rather glad that I'm causing a little bit of healthy debate to fill up students heads that have been draining over the holidays, while raising awareness of some vital issues that need to be addressed. So thank you everyone!

Anyway, as I sat wasting my life away on Facebook, a person who I consider to be one of my best friends approached me and asked me to write about something that he holds very dear to his heart and, well, considering I was out of ideas for today and feeling particularly lethargic I thought, why the hell not? I can't churn out amazing ideas all the time, can I? So while I pass on my thanks to him for giving me another subject to rant about, I want to thank him for entrusting me to raise awareness for him - it means so much to me. So, as per request, today I am going to hopefully eradicate any preconceived prejudices and stereotypes that people, particularly of the LGBT community face in the modern day world.

In 2010, recorded hate crimes in England, Wales and Northern Ireland fell by seven per cent - but crimes based on sexual orientation, transgender status and disability rose. According to these figures, which were released last year by the Association of Chief Police Officers, crimes based on faith and race decreased substantially between 2009 and 2010. There were a recorded 51,920 hate crimes based on race, religion, sexual orientation, transgender status and disability in 2009. The following year, the figure fell to 48,127.

While that's all fine and dandy and definitely something to shout about, the overall figures for anti - gay crimes rose from 4,085 offences to 4,883. There was a fourteen per cent increase in recorded transphobic crimes across the country and crimes against disable people rose by twenty one per cent.

We all know what hate crimes are, but, in the simplest terms, it is a crime committed against another person, which is motivate by the perpetrators prejudice towards the victim. It can manifest as verbal abuse, threatening behaviour, physical violence, damaging property and, in extreme cases, murder.  Hate crime is very different to other crimes as it has an increased detrimental impact on the victim, due to its personal nature.

It absolutely infuriates me that some people these days are so shallow minded and feel that they can judge others on their life choices or disabilities, and that they feel justified to seek them out for it. It especially annoys me because some of the kindest, happiest and most humble people I know are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. I have had the privilege of knowing people who are diagnosed as disabled and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that they are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met.

The sad truth is that people commit hate crimes because they just don't know about people who are different to what they consider 'the norm', because they are either too ignorant to educate themselves or too scared of a way of life dissimilar to their own. So, class, pick a seat. Have a cup of hot chocolate and a biscuit. Pull out a notepad with a nice new biro and get learning.

Let's begin. So what is a Transsexual?

People who may be described as Transsexual have a deep conviction that their gender identity does not match that of their appearance and therefore, they wish to present to the world in a different gender to that which they were assigned at birth. The majority undergo hormone therapy, oestrogens or testosterone, depending upon their birth gender and the gender that they wish to acquire legally. Most will also undergo some surgery to bring their bodies in line with their gender identity.  In the broad sense of the term, the person crosses the line of the social norm of gender by dressing and presenting themselves in the preferred gender role.

Often, the term transsexual is misleading and many assume that it is about sexual orientation, but, contrary to what most people believe, it is more so an issue of gender identity. The term originates from the good old Americans and it works to describe the identities of a range of people whose lifestyles appear to conflict with the gender norms of society.

Now, we all know what gays, lesbians and bisexuals are, but here's lesson number two all the same. Gays and lesbians or, to give the correct term, homosexuals, refer to those who are attracted only to members of the same sex or gender. Contrary to popular belief, gay men do not love dressing up in pink 24/7 or love to go shoe shopping, (believe me - dragging a gay man around Top shop for 10 minutes is a painful as it would be with any straight man.) They do not stress about how they look any more than the average man does and they are not constantly jolly. The same goes for lesbians - they do not necessarily have their hair sheared or just kiss on camera for a hit video on red tube. Sorry to disappoint you lads, but lesbians are just an 'normal' as any other women. And you wouldn't have a chance with one in a million years.

"Dear World,

Contrary to popular belief, I don't hate homosexuals

Sincerely God "

Moving swiftly onto us bisexual lot, who balance happily on the fence. The amount of times I have been referred to as 'greedy' or wanting to 'have my cake and eat it to', (which, I'll point out, is a RIDICULOUS because no one in their right mind would have a slice of cake and NOT eat it), is beyond a joke. I'm all up for a laugh and whatnot, but sometimes, people cross the line. I like men. I like women. Does that mean I am going to be condemned to the very depths of hell? NO. And even if I am, what do I care? I might even catch that tan I've been hoping for all summer.

Now, what do we consider as a disabled person?

A disability ranges from physical, cognitive, mental, sensory, emotional, developmental or some combination of these. It can be present from birth, or occur during a person's lifetime. The Disability Discrimination Act (DDA) defines a disabled person as someone who has a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long term effect on his or her ability to carry out normal day - to - day activities such as eating, washing, walking or generally undertaking tasks without assistance.

The term, like transsexual, is an umbrella term which covers nearly all aspects of disabilities, from impairments, activity limitations, and participation restrictions, which are all different aspects of disability. It is a complex phenomenon, that reflects an interaction between features of a person's body and the features of the society in which he or she lives.

Personally, I am a strong believer that my thoughts, ideologies and life choices belong to me and me alone. Punishing someone for thinking differently to you, acting differently to you or generally being different, is absolutely disgraceful and I don't think that society should really have a say in what is normal. For me, the more I grow and learn about society, it's kind of scary to realise that normal may be a wide array of variables. Things that are normal to me, such as discussing how good looking a girl is with my boyfriend or calling Domino's just to order desserts, is probably not normal to you. Nobody is 'normal' these days and if any one finds out what it entails, please let me know and we'll compare ourselves.

The fact is that there is no excuse for any form of hate crime because all people are equal whether we are gay, transgender, bisexual, lesbian, thin, fat, disabled, men or women, black or white. In the wise words of a Yiddish Proverb;"Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough, but not baked in the same oven." Deal with it.

I now pronounce you man and man

If you've watched the news at all in the last few months, (which most of you would have, as poor, unemployed students with nothing better to do), you'll have noticed that there's a big palaver surrounding Scotland at the moment. While I personally feel that they are pilling their issues onto the British government because they're starting to feel a little lonely up there in the north , they have raised one issue which I feel has been avoided more successfully than council tax.

Over recent months, you'll notice that people here, there and everywhere are coming out of the metaphorical closet as being in favour of gay marriage. From Mr David Cameron to Lady Gaga, support for gay marriage is increasingly becoming the progressive modern day cause. While opinion on the subject still remains divided, the Scots have decided to put their feet down and launch a government consultation on gay marriage, which has ultimately, split the coalition. David Cameron tightened his trousers in his happy relationship with Nick Clegg and allowed a free vote on the issue, much to the dismay of the Scottish Church.  

So after a lot of voting and whatnot, Scotland is set to become the first part of the United Kingdom to legalize the same sex marriage through a bill that is soon to be introduced to parliament. YAY! This means that; 

One: Scotland will be breaking out the rainbow flags by 2015 

And two: I now like Scotland a lot more.

A majority of Members of the Scottish parliament have already openly stated that they'll back the bill, so it'll most definitely pass. I'm pretty pleased and happy that the Scottish government have had the ingenious insight to do this. I live in Wales, so I guess my wait goes on. Not that I have a woman lined up to marry just yet.

Anyhow, the reality of this is that humanist celebrants and religious officiates who want to officiate same sex weddings could be marrying gay and lesbian couples by 2015. Although the Scottish Government is thoughtfully intending to include an 'opt out' clause for religions who aren't too fussed on perform these types of marriages, on the part of most people, there is now a very Paul McCartney  'live and let live' attitude in the air.

Interestingly, although unsurprisingly, the legislation has been met with opposition from not only the Catholic Church and the Church of Scotland, but even two - thirds of the Scottish population. On that issue, I have to shower the Scottish with my respect for standing up what they believe in, contrary to whether it's popular or not. American legislators, take note.

The Free Church of Scotland, released a statement on the subject which, when I read, made me a little bit sad. They said that, and I quote, "This is a truly sad day for Scotland, and we urge the Scottish government to reconsider their plans." No offence, but, if you think gay marriage is going to end the world then, err, consult the chart below. At the end of the day, gay marriage will effect homosexuals relationships - not yours.

Now, I have Christian friends. Or rather, I have friends who identify as Christians because being anything else means going without Christmas presents. In light of this, I've decided to respond to an aspect of gay marriage that my friends have brought up on a few occasions.

Let's put it into uncomplicated terms. Why would I, Gemma, an individual who identifies as a Christian, be openly in favour of same sex marriage in the knowledge that  these types of relationships 'displease' God? Why would I identify as both a Christian and a bisexual? Why am I being what The Westboro Baptist Church in America call a 'fag enabler?' BECAUSE I WANT TO.

Personally, I find the whole thing fascinating. There are hundreds upon hundreds of sins listed in the Bible and yet, we have decided to single out homosexuality as the sin that God is most displeased by. As Jesus said in the Bible about homosexuality - "          " . Exactly. NOTHING. We go to the effort and extent to fight against homosexual relationships, to the ridiculous point that we base presidential campaign issues on the subject and feel obliged to legislate same sex marriage. Frankly, I think the fact that the Christian community has alienated us Christians from the LGBT+ community was a big mistake. We could easily have embraced this community and yet, we chose to condemn them at every turn.  

I recently wrote a blog about male feminism which, while possibly causing some controversy, pointed out the fundamental issues of equality. Some argue that the current ban on gay marriage is a question of equality, similar to women having the right to vote or rights for ethnic minorities.  Some have expressed the view that gay marriage would devalue the sanctity of marriage in itself, which, frankly, is just rubbish in my opinion. How on earth could the marriage of two people who love and care for each other deeply be wrong, despite their gender?  I'll admit that gay and lesbian couples are entitled to Civil Partnerships, which are basically a watered down version of marriage, but I don't believe that they consider the beliefs of the couple.

Additionally, married couples are protected by the law - financially, medically etc. Say two people are in a same sex relationship and one was involved in an accident. Their other half would not technically be able to be with them throughout the emergency. Furthermore, most companies don't provide the same policy for same sex couples regarding insurance. Because a Civil Union is 'not marriage', it is therefore not a 'lawful union.' That's the kind of crap that makes me wonder why on earth I happily remain a resident in the UK and keep my mouth shut on this issue.

The fact is that even if the good old Scots hadn't made an example of the rest of the UK by embracing same sex marriage, homosexuality still exists. Whether you are hiding in a cave, surrounded by sketches of pre - historic homosexual relationships, or fifty billion feet in the air, with a gay couple sitting in front, happily jetting off to Barbados for their honeymoon, you can't escape it. So, you might as well deal with it and accept other people's happiness. Just because gay people are so jolly all of the time, doesn't mean that you can rain on their rainbow parade. They just want to be as miserable as you heterosexuals too.