Too skinny for society

I've never been massively conscious of my body, especially regarding my weight. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I am completely comfortable in my own skin, but I've never taken extreme action to lose weight. Even after looking in the mirror and being dissatisfied with my hair, my clothes, my body shape and my face, I can still eat a few Krispy Kreme donuts and think nothing of it.

But, at the end of the day, like the majority of the female population, I am never satisfied with the way I look.

This thought was particularly renewed for me when I went for my routine medical check up in the doctors last month. I'd pretty much aced the lung capacity test and my blood pressure was perfect. I could see that the doctor was thoroughly impressed by my ability to survive without her constant input.  And so, it was with an air of smugness that I jumped up onto the scales feeling pretty confident that I'd be around my ideal weight.  

However, it was to my (at the time) pleasant surprise that the doctor told me that I was underweight by one kilogram. Which, apparently, is a big deal.

ONE KILOGRAM. GOD FORBID I BE UNDERWEIGHT BY ONE KILOGRAM.

Ok so let's start off on the right footing. I am currently 5ft3", showing no definite signs of growing anymore and, according to my last check up, I weigh 59 kilograms, (feel free to convert the measurements yourself if you aren't sure about them.) I've always been around my ideal weight and to be bluntly honest, I'm pretty sure the scales were lying as there is no way I can possibly weigh so little.

If the scales were correct, however, it isn't down to exercise or healthy eating. I am sure my family and friends will be able to vouch for me when I say that I LOVE food to the point where I am planning my next meal whilst eating my current one. I eat what I like, when I like and, even if I do worry about my weight, these irrational thoughts are quickly dismissed by a doughnut or a slice of pizza.

So no, it wasn't the fact that I wasn't my ideal weight that bothered me. What got to me after I'd left the doctor's office was that she had told that I was too skinny and that I needed to put weight on.

Me? Too skinny? I mean please, has this woman not seen my baby pictures? I put the Michelin man to shame.

Ok, clearly, I am no longer a baby and I probably should be taking care of myself a bit better, I get that. But I'm hardly a bag of bones. I have generous sized boobs, (cringe cringe dad!), hips and a wobbly bum, (yes it wobbles and makes for comfortable sitting on) and, personally, I think I'm quite generously filled out.

What I'm trying to say is that, despite what you might think, being told that I was too skinny actually made me feel a bit shit. I have never ever been called skinny before and, after being told it once, I never want to be told it again. Girls don't want to be skinny and being called it is not a subtle compliment. Girls want to be slim with curves and big breasts. Unfortunately, you can't have it all and frankly, there is a very important difference between the words 'skinny' and 'slim'.

It seems to me that the world doesn't seem to let women have their own opinions about their bodies. I'm sure that not everyone wants to be really skinny and not everyone has tried really hard to get there. Not everyone is worried that they don't look thin enough.

Like I said, I've never been referred to as skinny before but, it didn't feel good. I have friends who are slim and, I'll admit that nearly every time that I see them I always go through the same thought process: My thighs are twice as big as hers and I'm wearing a skirt. Why am I wearing a skirt? Damn all skirts - she's probably feeling sorry for me for having these legs. I could never wear those skinny jeans she's wearing. I could never wear the outfit she's wearing - it looks so good on her. Everything looks good on her because she's so slim. Maybe she's on a diet. Maybe I should be on a diet...

And at that point, I usually wander off and find a bag of crisps to devour.

However, now that I've been on the receiving end of it, I feel so guilty. I suddenly realised that I was one of those annoying women who take the time to care about how skinny other women are. It's far too easy to think that someone else's body is a commentary that you can make. When, clearly, it's definitely not. It's clearly just their body, their shape and the way that they are.

So, is calling someone skinny really an acceptable thing to do? No - I don't think it is and frankly, I think it's just as insensitive as calling someone fat. Moral of the story here, though, is that no one should ever be allowed an opinion on someone else's body or way of life unless they ask for it. And trust me, I will never ask for it.

Courtesy of http://oceanstatefit.com/well-hello-1998-it-is-nice-to-see-you-again/

Oh and to my legs - you looked fine in that skirt. It's a very nice skirt and no one was really paying you attention anyway so get over yourselves. Attention seekers...

What Thatcher taught me

Most of you who regularly come across and read my blogs will remember that I reside from a small town in the valleys called Merthyr Tydfil.

As I've said in previous blogs, we are a simple folk in Merthyr Tydfil. We have simple pleasures that usually revolve around the pub and everyone knows you as someone's offspring or grandchild. Our take on English grammar schools are schools that teach through the medium of Welsh and we are all pretty much working class. While these things make living in the valleys grand, we haven't had the easiest of times since the closure of the coal mines.

Yes boys and girls. I'm here to discuss Margaret Thatcher - and you should've known it was coming in light of her death this week. Sorry dad.

As a born and bred valleys girl, my expected reaction to her death is to celebrate but, as always, I am full of surprises, I am a women, (which means that I enjoy being awkward and doing the opposite of what I am told/expected to do) and, more importantly, that's not what I'm here to do. In such situations, I try not to let my nationality and family cloud my judgement. While my father has completely forbidden me to date a conservative and my late grandfather was an ex coal-miner  you can see that I have not been brought up to be a Tory lover. However, instead of celebrating as expected, I spent the day feeling somewhat saddened at the loss of a historical figure and comforting my distraught boyfriend with cigarettes, alcohol and chocolate eggs.

Before we continue, let's lay down some groundwork. As has been made obvious, I am a female. I am a female that has been brought up in the valleys, fortunately enough by two sets of parents, who have done a grand job in bringing up the beacon of wonderfulness that is me. My father doesn't read The Times or The Daily Mail. My mother doesn't really read newspapers. In short, I haven't really been brought up to be a conservative and I'm not. But I'm not for labour either. At this moment in time, I can safely say that I don't affiliate to any political party. Admittedly, I can't say I'm completely apolitical; I believe in a support system provided by the state as a safety net, not a hammock. I believe in equality for all no matter their race, gender, class or religion. I believe in gay marriage. What I'm trying to say is that I don't have to be political to have beliefs or to recognise a historical figure, no matter what party he or she is for.

Now that's cleared up, let's move on.

There are many female figures in history that have inspired me and made me see the world in a completely different way. Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Elizabeth I, Jane Austen, Florence Nightingale, Emmeline Pankhurst, Coco Chanel, Rosa Parks and now, Margaret Thatcher. As the first and so far, the only female prime minister of Great Britain, Maggie defined a decade.

Maggie has actually taught me a lot, not just about politics or economics, which, admittedly, I tend to lack knowledge in, but about women and their place in the world. As a historian, I have to recognise that few women in history have achieved the political, social and economic influence that Maggie did and, whether you agree or disagree with what she did or did not, by any measure, she was a historical 'great'.

So, for now, please forget my background. Please forget your views on Margaret Thatcher, be they positive or negative, and read some of the things that Maggie taught me.

1) You can achieve anything you put your mind to

Despite who you are, where you are, what you do and how you do it, you can achieve anything you put your mind to. Simple.

On this point, Maggie showed me that mere biology had and still does not stop women from achieving great things in humanity. In her time, the barriers to women becoming leaders shifted from Darwinian to social and psychological factors. And, despite this, she broke through to holding the highest seat in politics for eleven and a half years.

Even if you hated her, you have to respect that.

2) 'Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't'

I don't make it a secret that I'm not a massive fan of the current government, for many reasons, one being David Cameron's character. Why do so many of our political and business leaders need to throw their weight around these days? It's not big and it's not clever and Thatcher demonstrated this, especially nearing her later years in power, when the distorting and often corrupting effects of power resulting in her being ousted from government. However, in her early years, Thatcher showed me that leadership can be demonstrated and not promoted like some circus side show.

3. Don't set out to be liked

One of the main things I fear most about our generation of political leaders is that they are compromising on what is right in order to avoid 'rocking the boat.' What we, and certainly I have in these political leaders is doubt and uncertainty. In this case, Thatcher taught me if you set out to do what is right, even if it is unpopular, history will remember the end result, whether favorably or not. For me, this is a lesson that I will certainly be using in my career as a journalist.

4. Expect the unexpected

It's common knowledge that Maggie didn't expect there to be a female prime minister in her time and that she never really set out to become the prime minister. From that, I take that you should always expect the unexpected and dream as big as you can. What harm could it do? Hey, you may even end up as the Prime Minister of Britain.

I am not commending or condemning Baroness Thatcher. I am merely remarking on what lessons I can take away from her character and her time in power. I am constantly reminded that I was not alive when Thatcherism was in full swing and so, I can never fully appreciate what happened. Admittedly, I don't think I will ever be able to forgive what she did to the coal mine industry, my valley and my family. But, as of yet, I do not and I don't think I will ever know what effect Margaret Thatcher has had on me as an individual. Likewise, I cannot be sure of the long term effects that she has had on our nation. What I do know, however, is that this is a time when our nation needs to stop and reflect on what has been.